|“New Wizard in Town”|
|Order of the Stick comic|
|Date published||9 December 2004|
|View the comic|
Elan decides to become a "wizard" and Vaarsuvius doesn't like it
- Panel 1
Roy, Belkar, and Vaarsuvius eat bacon and eggs around a table at the inn.
Elan (off-panel): BEHOLD!
Roy: Oh, that can't be a good sign.
- Panel 2
Elan is dressed in wizard robes, wearing a false beard, and holding a staff with a magic 8-ball on the end.
Elan: It is I, your new party wizard! I am powerful and stuff!
Roy: If I don't look directly at it, it can't kill my brain.
- Panel 3
Vaarsuvius: Elan, you are not—
Elan: Not Elan—Elanicalicus, a name more befitting a mighty wizard like me!
Roy: Can't hear either.
- Panel 4
Elan: Can't you see my wizard dress and my wizard stick and my pointy wizard hat? Why would I wear this stuff if I were not a wizard?
- Panel 5
Elan: I am here to use my frabjulitulity to mictifarcate your gilltooney!
Elan: Lo! My junurtiquity is most biollorky! Bask in the power of my meckalecka-hi, meckahiney-ho!
Vaarsuvius: THAT IS ENOUGH!
- Panel 6
Vaarsuvius: I will allow you to mock neither me nor my noble mystical profession any longer! You are NOT a wizard, powerful or otherwise!
Vaarsuvius: You are, in fact, a simpering buffoon without the brain power required to dress yourself, much less manage the lowliest of cantrips. You are naught but a fool, an addle-brained fool!!
- Panel 7
Beat. Vaarsuvius glares at Elan.
- Panel 8
Elan bursts into tears.
- Panel 9
Elan: I just, I just wanted to be smart and cool and powerful like you, Vaarsuvius and, and I'm sorry and, and, and...
- Panel 10
- Panel 11
Belkar: Wow. You made Elan cry. Even I've never done that. It must be a real kick in the gut, knowing that you utterly crushed his fragile little spirit.
- Panel 12
Belkar: Must really make you feel guilty that—
Vaarsuvius: Crushing Despair.
- Panel 13
Belkar: Sob! Poor Elan!
D&D Context Edit
- Crushing Despair is a 4th-level Wizard spell that causes immense sadness to multiple targets, which gives them a number of penalties.
- Elan references Jambi from Pee-wee's Playhouse with his jargon.